For years I have kept my thought to myself. I learnt at an early age that what you say can and shall be used against you. A secret is no longer a secret when there is a second party involved unless of course the second party is your maker. Even then, one is weighed down with thoughts of judgement day when all things shall be brought to light. At 17, I chose this path; to keep my thoughts and feelings however heavily the weighed on me.
Now I chose travel a different road.
The road of self discovery, rediscovering what I had lost at 17 when in my naivety, I blurted out to my mother that I thought I am a lesbian. Leave alone the slap that crossed my face in the split of a second (thank God it was only a slap); the subsequent events are what led me to my decision. It was the second time I was being suspended from school for allegedly liking girls. My problem was not with liking girls; I never understood how they knew that I liked girls as I had never acted on it. So I decided to keep away from all and sundry. There must have been something sticking out in me like a sore thumb. Maybe it was written on my forehead in a way only others could see but not me.
Now am on a new road…
The road that few choose to travel and most would rather not. I choose to join the fight and not just let others fight for me. There must be something that I was born to do…I must have a purpose on this earth however tiny it may be. Lately, my life has been shaped a lot through the blogs and various articles that I have read from people who have had the courage to share their thoughts and experiences with the rest of us.
Am hoping that through this blog, I will be able to make the tiniest of a difference; I will share my experiences and learn from yours. That someone will get in this forum what I had longed to have at 17 and the years after…understanding, empathy, compassion, commonality, community or even just the sense of knowing someone out there is going through or has gone through what I am going through.
It may be a road less travelled…but am sure you know what they say about that already!
“…whatever is good, think of such things…”
Sweetp
Hi I love this blog heard about it through a friend of mine I am a gay 42 year old guy and I can appreciate what you have been through as a lot of the young people in Kenya have a really hard time coping with their sexuality and it makes a lot of difference when someone like you narrates their experience for all to see.. I think it gives us all hope of finding solace that one day we might find the courage and strength to help others… I had battled with my sexuality for years only to realize that I did not need to fight just except who I am and move on with my life. I have not come out to my family as yet but am sure they already have a idea that am Gay…
ReplyDeleteRungu, thanks for the comment. I guess it never gets any easier but maybe it does some, just alittle...
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