Discovering new things?

Every time I need a change, I try out for something out of the ordinary. When I was younger, I went for a haircut good enough to complement my tomboyish look. Sometimes I tried out changing my wardrobe into some few things more feminine. Recently, I moved to dreadlocks. I have thought of having them since I was sixteen but at the time thoughts of my mother’s wrath dispelled all hopes. Most people would say there is nothing wrong with having dreadlock, and I know that. But, if you had you fingers nearly chopped off for wearing a ring, you’d know not to mess with my mother. It would be good to know that she has mellowed down with age though.

I chose dreadlocks purely because it would not only symbolize a new beginning but because I thought I would look good. More like killing two birds with one stone. It is also a constant reminder of what I missed out when in my teen and early twenties. I am a late bloomer in many ways. My little journey to self acceptance begun in 2009; in this short time, I have learnt so much that I did not know before. The major discovery was that there are people out there who are like me and are actually known to be who they are. Wow, now that was a shocker. Then discovering movies and books…which planet have I been living in? Then came the big question, is this even acceptable? Am a Christian, how can I relate this to my faith?

Could I risk taking a long hard look at the mirror and trying to come into terms with the view that will be looking right back at me?

I asked myself hard questions that I had never thought to explore before. Why was I born a woman and not a man? Why am I black and not white? Why am I relatively tall and not a midget? Why? Why? Why? Do I even like me? If you asked me who I am, would I able to summarize it all in one word?

As much I would love to say that I came out with something concrete in terms of answers; I will disappoint you. Not a thing. Not one answer or even a clue. Instead I began to appreciate all the little things that make me who I am. I found out that I am a lot of thing that not one word can describe. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunty, a friend, a lover, a colleague, a neighbor, an advisor, a mentor, a cousin etc. I hold a host of roles that one word can not describe who I am. 

I am also a lesbian but ultimately I am a human being.

I love who I am.

Sweetp.